While I was walking by an office today, I overheard two of my female co-workers say the tired old adage, “men are pigs.” I’m sure it was said mostly in jest, and as soon as they saw me, they clammed up in the way that gets across, “Look Slappy… we're not talking to you. Move along, before you incur our wraith.”
Men are pigs? That’s a despicable stereotype. It’s the sort of blanket generalization that this week’s top hater, Mel Gibson, would make in a drunken rant. That’s right sugar-tits… I said it. I mean, the only real difference between what he said and what my charming co-workers said was that what Mel barked was pretty much a complete fallacy,(I mean, “Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world”? Come on! The Catholic Church holds that title) while what the women said is almost entirely true.
That’s right, men are, in fact, pigs. Now some of us are in fact better at covering it up then others. For example, you think that sweet little gay dude that served up your latté at Starbucks doesn’t fall into this pigeonhole? Please! I guaran-fuckin’-tee he was dropping an eye on the guy behind you and wondering what his pigeonhole looks like. And God bless him for it! He’s keeping the stereotype alive.
You know where I think all the problems with Priests come from? Not embracing their inner pig. It’s like in Ghostbusters when they are all trying really really hard to clear their minds of anything evil, and at the end of the movie still end up covered in exploding marshmallow.
Umm… ok, that may be a bad analogy, but you get my point.
Even I (before this post) am considered a pretty nice guy by most everyone I know. I hold the door for women – no matter if I know them or not. I write my wife little letters just to let her know I’m thinking about her. I’ve been known to drop by with flower for no particular reason. And in most conversations I make eye contact for at least a minute and a half before I sneak a peek at even the most quality cleavage.
The other day Jenn and I were watching a bit of TV and the “Girls Gone Wild” commercial came on. About the time the two college girls with “GGW” logo’s strategically bouncing across their nipples started making out she turns to me and says, “I just don’t see the point of these things. I mean, they don’t really show anything. If you’re going to get that you might as well just go rent a good porno.”
Now, she’s got a valid point, but that didn’t stop me from thinking “Hush woman! Can’t you see that these girls are tumbling around in zero gravity?! And for an additional $4.99 we can get the extra
Luckily, I’ve got one of those pig filters installed, so when the words came out they sounded like “I totally agree sweetie. Probably some 40 year old guy sitting around his parent’s basement is dialing right now. But, you know, the world takes all kinds.”
Oink.
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