It's all fun and games...

I’m a dork.

Yeah, I know that that’s probably no big surprise to most of you, but I’m occasionally taken aback by what a misfit I see myself as. The odd thing is, my good buddy J (As in Jason, not January. You really would never confuse them in real life) is very similar to me in his likes, dislikes, quirks, etc. and I don’t see him as a misfit at all.

For the last several years, J and I get together for “guys night” on a weekly basis. I know what you’re thinking…Drinking, smoking, and debauchery, right? Well, only if you consider my mass consumption of Diet Coke drinking, the pack of Kool’s that J goes through smoking (ok, I guess you’ve got us there) and debauchery lots and lots of card playing. And not poker or something socially trendy like that. Oh no… we’re playing Magic: the Gathering.

For those uneducated in the ways of the Planeswalker (players), Magic is a collectible card game that allow you to build a deck of at least forty cards and throw down your mighty horde against an opposing Planeswalker for fun and glory (aka bragging rights.) Are you going to use the mountain goblins of fiery red, or call upon the dark zombie hordes of the swamp? Or maybe the beasts and fairies of the green forest?

I can already picture my wife rolling her eyes as she reads this.

So in anticipation of their newest set of cards coming out, the designers of Magic, held a tournament so all those that entered could try out the cards two weeks before they were released to the general public. J and I, fantasying ourselves quite the card players, decided to go see how we faired against all of the other Planeswakers in the land.

In preparation, we talked strategy on the phone, email back and forth various spoilers of rumored cards, and theorize about potential combo combinations. Want to know the best part? We tend to do most of those things even when a tournament isn’t going on. And the trash talking. Let’s not forget—even for a moment—the epically bad trash-talking.

It’s not uncommon to have this conversation with my wife after hanging up the phone with J:

Her: “So how’s Kat?”

Me: “Um… ok, I guess. We didn’t really get into it.”

With a disapproving look, “You spoke with J for 45 minutes and you didn’t ask how his fiancée is doing?”

“Well, you know… we got to talking cards and stuff… and it didn’t really come up.”

“Of course it didn’t if you didn’t ask.”

“Well, I’m sure he would have told me if she wasn’t doing well.”

“Did you talk about the baby?”

“Um… yeah. He still likes the name Quinn.”

That’s met with the eye roll of “in-other-words-you-still-like-the-name-Quinn.” (sign the petition at www.vote4quinn.com)

Anyway… back on subject…

The morning of the event, I was wired, and woke up early like a kid at Christmas. J picked me up early and we headed off to the event. We were both prepped and ready for our various battles, and when we walked into the room, we swung the doors wide like we were a pair of gunslingers walking into the saloon.

With hundreds of people at these events, perhaps a dozen of them were women. I did note that one guy did bring a hot blonde to hang on him while he was playing and provide ample distraction for his opponent, but other than that, it was a pretty disheveled lot.

We went and traded cards with a guy named Ogre, who’s far nicer than his namesake. If you’re wondering how he picked up the nickname, well, if you put him in a line-up of everyone there, I doubt any of you savvy readers would have to much trouble identifying him just by the name.

My first round opponent was a sporadically toothless guy with a long goatee, shaved head and introduced himself as “Pigeon”. I also met a smallish girl nicknamed “Squirrel”. (Keep in mind, this isn’t D&D or some such thing. Nobody needs a nickname. They just have them.) Anyway, all of these woodland creatures proceeded to whoop my ass for most of the day.

In the afternoon, I got my revenge however, as I tied for first in a draft tournament. My final opponent said “you know, if we call it a draw, we split it. That’s better than one of us getting nothing.” Indeed.

Jenn called during the final round of the tournament and asked when I was going to be home. I said “in a little bit. I’m actually winning.” Then I turned to opponent and said “Now… you done?” Not realizing how those sentences might sounds strung together. I got “Ok. Fine. Whatever.” And she hung up.

Suddenly I felt like the biggest dork in the room again.

Anyway, it was all lots of fun, the new cards come out today and that means a brand new bit of trash talking begins. J has to find a new Warrior Bandit, and I a new Eight-and-a-Half-Tailed Fox Cleric to bitch-slap each other with.

Let the games begin!