Tuesday, October 03, 2006

the "thing"

Some days need a fast forward button.

My morning started at three thirty this morning when I woke up, still quite sick. I took some more meds, the kind that are supposed to knock my punk ass out, but instead just turned me into a zombie. I decided to browse the net since for the first time in a long time I didn’t have that “swamped at work” feeling looming over my head.

I’m not sure if it’s age or illness, but even porn browsing sounded unappealing, so instead I decided to check out my friend’s blog. There was a political discussion going on where someone said that is was hard to tell the far left from the Al Qaeda. Of course, with such a moronic statement, I had to add my two cents in. It was clear, cutting, and somewhat witty.(almost like a bumper sticker… hmmmm…) I was very happy with it… right up till my browser posted it three times. Fuck.

Still not feeling sleepy, I decided to go to watch a DVD we got from Netflix, a cancelled TV series called “Undeclared”. It’s kind of like American Pie, only not funny. I mean really not funny.

I started wondering what I’d wear to work for the day about the same time as the zombie meds kicked in. I decided I’d wear the new shirt I got this weekend, but it was going to need to be tumbled really well in the dryer. So I get that started and decide I’m going to try and snuggle in with my lovely wife for the last hour before I needed to start getting ready. That hour turned into an hour and twenty, and soon I was running late.

When I went downstairs to get my shirt, instead of fluffing, the dryer had turned it into a big, wrinkle ball of nastiness. Not having the time to iron, I ran back upstairs, and started flipping through my closet. The problem with my closet is that because it’s in the same room with my sleeping wife, the well-documented morning dragon, I can’t turn on the light. I had a flashlight in there for the longest time, but she keeps putting it away, so I’m left fumbling around in the dark. I grabbed a shirt, pulled it out and realized it’s my lucky Nintendo Tech Support shirt. I love this shirt and just pulling it from the closet brought a smile to my face.

I sat down next to my wife to put on my saddles, and said, “lovely girl… it’s about time to start ‘the process.’” We’ve dubbed her waking up “the process” ever since she sat straight up in bed, glared at me, threw a pillow and said, “don’t you know waking up is a process?!”

So I wasn’t expecting a great response. However, what I got was, “I can do it. I don’t know why you even do that thing… man. So…fucking annoying. Can’t you just leave me alone?”

Personally, I don’t even know what that thing is. So now I’m left wondering what the hell she was talking about. I know that the last couple of weeks the thing has been making sure I’m shutting not one, but two doors when I shower because the waters too loud. However, knowing that both doors were firmly latched this a.m., that was decidedly not “the thing”.

So I take the dog out and when I’m in the stairwell with him I get a really bad smell of dog. That strikes me as really odd for a number of reasons. The first being that I haven’t been able to smell shit for last several days, so something must be pungent to get to this sniffer. The second is that we just had the dog groomed on Saturday, so he shouldn’t be stinking yet.

Once I got outside the smell went away and didn’t come back until about half way to work. I found that odd to since, well, the dog wasn’t with me. I was in typical St. Louis traffic, so I only gave it a passing thought until I was parking my car. Even then I was thinking “why does my car smell like dog too?” Then I sniffed the lucky Nintendo shirt. Oh good god.

Occasionally, when I’m getting ready in the dark, I put on a shirt, decide against in and put it on the bed. When I’m in a real hurry I don’t deal with the shirt again until I get home. The best I can figure, last week, before the grooming, the dog slept on this shirt. That’s the only thing I can think of for the rancid dog smell of what I thought was a perfect clean shirt.

So now I’m sitting at work, it’s 8:45 in the morning, I feel like a zombie, and I’m smelling like week old dog ass. How’s your day going?

2 comments:

Susan Miller said...

This day is incredibly long and the ability to focus is nonexistent, but now I am grateful that I don't smell like a dog. Good stuff. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

All of a sudden my day seems better.