V-Day

I am starting to wish Valentine’s day would just go away. Not that I ever had a particular love for this crassly commercialized event, but being, by most accounts, more romantic then the typical guy, I often took it as a way of showing off my “mad sweet skillz”.

The only problem is that Jenn hates Valentine’s Day.

Now I know hate is a strong word, but I assure you, she has the disdain to back it up.

Last year I made the mistake of thinking that it was one of those things where the girl say she hates it, but your balls will be in a vice if you don’t actually do anything, so I brought her flowers. Twenty painstaking minutes later, she had emphasized, reemphasized, and overemphasized (which is one of my only pet peeves about my lovely wife) just how much I should not ever consider trying to do something romantic for her on 14th of February… ever again.

So this year we set out, a week in advance, to specifically do nothing for V-day. Just to treat it like any other day. However, we interpreted that a bit differently. I took that as “we’ll hang out, talk about our days over dinner, maybe watch a movie.” Jenn took it as “I’ll go shopping and see you whenever.”

Meanwhile, just because Jenn and I weren’t celebrating V-day doesn’t mean others aren’t. I got greetings from a few female friends wishing me a happy Valentine’s Day. So I started thinking, “so who do you wish Happy V-Day too, and who don’t you?” I mean, I’m sure if I would have started out my conversation with J with “Hey man, Happy Valentine’s Day”, he would have said, “Uh… Um… ok man... Whatever.” And what about co-workers? Do I tell them Happy V-Day? Just the female co-workers? Somehow that seems a bit sexist. And what about the gay guys in the office? Honestly, what are the sensibilities? Are my friends sitting at home offended that I didn’t call?

And what of family? I didn’t think I needed to call my mom on Valentine’s Day, but thanks to a guilt laced email I got from my dad at close to midnight last night, that was big mistake. And if my mom’s offended, sure-as-shit my grandmother was expecting a call. And I guess, if I was making the rounds, I should have called my sister too. But she’s not even in the country, so do I get a pass on not making an international call? Probably not. And if then should I call my niece? My nephew? My sister-in-law?

Stupid holiday. It was much easier when I could just buy Superfriends Valentine’s cards for the whole class.